No Shovel Required
by foobar137
Summary: It's a rite of passage for both father and daughter: the first time a boy comes to pick her up for a date. But when the father in question is Phineas Flynn, he's got more interesting things to play with than shotguns and shovels. Next-generation Phinbella; one-shot. Trope bingo: rite of passage/coming of age


**Trope bingo: rite of passage/coming of age**

**For those unfamiliar with the term: a 'shovel talk' is the stereotypical talk that an overprotective father has with his daughter's date, which involves lines like 'If you hurt her, I have a shovel and enough land that they'll never find your body.' For bonus points, the father should be cleaning or otherwise performing maintenance on a shotgun.**

* * *

"You'll be fine, Jake," his mother said, and the fourteen-year-old boy quickly made sure his hair was neat in the mirror before he got out of the car. "Do you want me to go with you?" she asked.

"No, no, that's okay, Mom. I can do this. I need to be able to do this." He closed the door and quickly checked his clothes - button-down shirt was neat, khakis were clean, shoes were reasonably shiny. It'd have to do.

In the light of the setting sun, it looked like a normal suburban two-story house...until he noticed the large two-story garage - or maybe a workshop? - off to one side. He walked up to the front door, noting the name on the mailbox: "Flynn". _This is the right place, I guess..._

He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. A female voice inside yelled, "Becky, your date's here!" The door opened, and a black-haired woman stood there, looking a bit like Becky, but much older.

"Hi, you must be Jake. I'm Becky's mom, Isabella Flynn. She's still getting ready. Won't you come in while you're waiting?"

Jake nodded, not entirely trusting his voice, and let her lead him into the living room. A man with a sharp nose and bright red hair sat in an easy chair, holding a translucent white sphere with a panel open on the side. Inside the basketball-sized sphere were electronics of some sort, which he was prodding with a screwdriver; Becky had said her dad was some sort of inventor, so Jake guessed he'd brought his work home. Over his shoulder a young black-haired girl in overalls was quietly giving him suggestions.

Mrs. Flynn introduced them, saying, "This is Becky's dad, Phineas, and her sister, Miriam. Phineas, Miriam, this is Jake, who's taking Becky out on her date tonight."

Miriam glanced up and smiled before looking back at the sphere. Mr. Flynn looked up at him with a cold, calculating glance, then nodded his head toward the couch as he said, "Pleased to meet you," in a voice that implied he wasn't especially pleased at all.

Jake sat carefully on the edge of the couch, nervously smiling at Becky's parents and sister. A beeping sound came from the kitchen; Mrs. Flynn excused herself to go work on dinner.

Mr. Flynn set the screwdriver down and closed the panel, which left no visible seam. The sphere lit up, flickering through all the colors of the rainbow; Mr. Flynn smiled, and handed it to Jake, who took it with a puzzled look on his face.

"So, your name is Jake?" Mr. Flynn asked.

"...yes," Jake said hesitantly. The sphere flashed red. Miriam giggled.

"Jacob?"

"Okay, yes," Jake agreed. This time, the sphere flashed green.

"You're a freshman in high school?"

"Yes?" The sphere flashed green again. "Mr. Flynn...what is this?"

The man gave him a vicious grin. "It's a lie detector. Now that it's calibrated...what are your intentions toward my daughter?"

Jake froze. He had no idea what to say or how to say it. _I think she's pretty and fun and I'd like to take her out on a date and maybe if things work out after a couple dates, ask her to be my girlfriend?_ He wasn't sure if Mr. Flynn would think that was a good answer...or a terminally bad one. _And I'd really like to kiss her again, like we did behind the gym while we were waiting for the buses this afternoon...ack! No, don't think about that, if this thing can read my mind I am _**_so_**_ dead_.

As he sat there, unable to speak, Mrs. Flynn re-entered the room, and plucked the sphere from his hands with a glare at her husband. "Phineas, can I speak with you? Excuse us for a moment, Jake."

Jake could barely nod as his shoulders sagged in relief. He could see Becky's parents in the kitchen as Mrs. Flynn handed the sphere to her husband. Jake could just make out their conversation, which Miriam appeared to be listening to as well.

"Phineas! You promised you wouldn't terrify the poor boy," Mrs. Flynn said.

"I made no such promise," Mr. Flynn responded, and the sphere flashed green in his hands. "I said I wouldn't give him a shovel talk, and I didn't." It flashed green again.

She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Fine. I figured 'don't terrify him' was implied there."

"I wasn't trying to terrify him." The sphere flashed a bright red, and the man gave it a look of betrayal. "...much." The sphere flashed green once more.

"Becky asked you for one thing, Phineas. _One thing._ What was it?"

Resigned, Mr. Flynn said, "Not to embarrass her." The sphere flashed green.

The sound of feet on the stairs distracted Jake from the conversation, and he looked over to see a slightly older red-haired girl in a yellow dress coming downstairs. By process of elimination, this must be eleven-year-old Rachel, since he'd already met Miriam, the eight-year-old.

"Hi! Who are you?" the girl asked.

"I'm Jake. Jake Whitaker. I'm here to take your sister out on a date. You must be Rachel," Jake answered.

The girl giggled and nodded. "So what'cha doin on your date?" she asked.

Jake sat back and smiled. "Well, my mom's waiting outside in the car. She's going to drive us to the pizza place, and drop us off there. And after we eat dinner, we're going next door to the movie theater, and we're going to watch the new Justice Avengers movie. And then Mom picks us up and brings us back here."

"That sounds lovely," Mrs. Flynn said with a smile, walking back into the living room. Mr. Flynn followed, an oddly introspective look on his face, and took up his seat again. Jake sat up again, startled. Mr. Flynn tried to smile at him, and Jake found it quite disconcerting, in its own way.

A clatter of shoes rescued Jake from further small talk, as Becky came down the stairs. Her long auburn hair was several shades darker than her father's bright red, the green dress she wore was a bit clingy on top but long and loose on the bottom, and he thought she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"Sorry I took so long," Becky said with a smile. "We need to get going, I think. See you later, guys!" She took his hand as he stood up, and dragged him toward the door.

"Have her home by ten," Mrs. Flynn said as they left.

As the door closed behind them, Jake exhaled loudly, causing Becky to laugh. "Was Dad that bad to you?"

"You didn't tell me he built lie detectors."

She put her hand over her mouth, laughing as she pulled him along toward his mother's car. "He didn't. Oh my God, he totally did, didn't he?" With a mischievous grin, she stopped, looked at him, and asked, "So what did he find out?"

"Your mother saved me, fortunately. I didn't have to tell him how good a kisser you are."

_Ack! Smooth, Jake._

She quirked a smile at him. "Well, what Dad doesn't know won't hurt him."

He smiled back, and led her the rest of the way to the car, opening the door for her.

* * *

Phineas and Isabella sat in the living room, waiting, watching some mindless TV show that neither of them could describe because they hadn't been paying any attention to it. Rachel and Miriam were in bed, allegedly sleeping, but Isabella suspected they were awaiting their older sister's return just as much as her parents were.

"You had it easy," Isabella commented, curled up on the couch with her husband's arm around her. "My father was gone, and my mother knew you, so you never had to do the meet-the-parents thing."

Phineas sighed. "I suppose. Am I being overprotective? I just...I don't know. I look at her, and I see the little girl I used to rock to sleep. And now she's out with a boy, and..."

"And you're going to lose her. Probably not to Jake, although you never know - high-school sweethearts worked for us. But eventually, she's going to find another man, and leave you behind."

He looked down at her with a wry smile. "Am I that transparent?"

"Yes, yes you are, at least to me. We've known each other for thirty years now. Just wait until Miriam starts dating."

Phineas looked truly wounded. "No. Not my shadow. She'd never leave me."

"Some day, some guy's going to sweep her off her feet. You've still got time, though."

Slowly, Phineas nodded. "I know. As long as I get to keep you." He hugged her more tightly.

Isabella leaned up and gently kissed him. "I'm not going anywhere."

The door unlocked, and Becky came in; through the door, Isabella saw Jake heading back down the walkway. Becky leaned out the door and waved to him, then closed the door.

"Did you have a good time, dear?" Isabella asked.

"I did, Mom." She gave her parents hugs and started to head up the stairs.

"Becky?" Phineas called.

Becky paused on the stairs and raised an eyebrow at her father.

"I'm sorry. You asked me not to embarrass you, and I went overboard. I apologize."

Becky chuckled. "It's okay. He survived. And now he knows to be careful of anything you hand him."

"That's a useful survival skill in this house," Isabella noted.

Phineas laughed. "Point taken. But still - I'll try not to do it again. Deal?"

"Deal," Becky agreed.

"Excellent," Phineas said. "Now go to bed."

With a yawn, Becky continued up the stairs.


End file.
